Could I have been that wrong???
Ever quit your job, go to battle with your family, deal with the thought of letting someone else raise your dog (okay, so I understand this may only apply to crazy people like me) only to find out that you may have totally been wrong? Thus goes my pending move to Trinidad. Yes, that's right folks, you heard it here first, I'm moving to Trinidad (well, maybe...)
When I was there with our team in August, they asked me to pray about and consider coming back and serving at the church there for a year. I said I would pray about it and really acted like I was having this great debate in my mind for quite a while, when I'm pretty sure I had decided to go within 24 hours (yes, this is how I function...it will take me an hour and a good cry to decide what to wear, but less than a day to decide to quit my job and move to a foreign country). All was well...I told my boss that I would be leaving my job in January, filled out the necessary applications and was approved to go, found someone who would be willing to take my dog for a year (If you don't think this is a big deal, you haven't met my dog), and convinced my parents that this is a halfway good idea! LET'S GO!...right? After all, I am sure this is what the Lord has told me to do! Well, prepare yourself for the biggest-kick-in-the-pants yet...
See, there was apparently a man was trying to extort money from our pastor there, Ancil, and when he refused to pay, he sent people to try to kidnap him (or at least that's the best we can figure). CRAZY HUH? Ancil is currently in Miami, contemplating life and debating with himself about going back to Trinidad. (I reiterate that he is debating with HIMSELF, as I am SURE this is where the Lord would have him.)
Bottom line is, if Ancil decides not to return to Trinidad, then this means that I don't go to Trinidad. At first, all of this was just too crazy for my mind to grasp, but as it take hold I have gone through 500 stages of emotions (well, really only 3, but who's counting?). At first it made me more pumped than ever to return to Trinidad...after all, Satan wouldn't attack if we weren't doing the right thing there and this IS Satan attacking. Then, I just felt bad for Ancil (and still do)...I mean, this is Ancil's dream...he's worked so hard. This can't be the end of this chapter in his life...it just can't.
Now, an avenue of self doubt (again, Satan) has found it's way in. I mean, really...could I have been THIS wrong in hearing from the Lord. Does the Lord need to speak up or am I just deaf to his voice? I don't doubt His ability to speak...i doubt my ability to hear what he's saying. I don't want to think I could have been that wrong...I still feel a peace about going. A wise friend (you know who you are, Hankins) reminded me that the church always spreads through persecution so I am holding on in faith that this, in the end, will work to for the good (as the Lord promises) of the Lord's church in Trinidad.
Deciding in, what I feel is obedience, to serve the Lord in Trinidad has really been one of the easiest decisions I have made...I was so confident. I can't think I was wrong...after all, if I was that confident about this and it's not in God's will, imagine how many other things I have gotten wrong...maybe life really WAS that hard...I just didn't know it.
When I was there with our team in August, they asked me to pray about and consider coming back and serving at the church there for a year. I said I would pray about it and really acted like I was having this great debate in my mind for quite a while, when I'm pretty sure I had decided to go within 24 hours (yes, this is how I function...it will take me an hour and a good cry to decide what to wear, but less than a day to decide to quit my job and move to a foreign country). All was well...I told my boss that I would be leaving my job in January, filled out the necessary applications and was approved to go, found someone who would be willing to take my dog for a year (If you don't think this is a big deal, you haven't met my dog), and convinced my parents that this is a halfway good idea! LET'S GO!...right? After all, I am sure this is what the Lord has told me to do! Well, prepare yourself for the biggest-kick-in-the-pants yet...
See, there was apparently a man was trying to extort money from our pastor there, Ancil, and when he refused to pay, he sent people to try to kidnap him (or at least that's the best we can figure). CRAZY HUH? Ancil is currently in Miami, contemplating life and debating with himself about going back to Trinidad. (I reiterate that he is debating with HIMSELF, as I am SURE this is where the Lord would have him.)
Bottom line is, if Ancil decides not to return to Trinidad, then this means that I don't go to Trinidad. At first, all of this was just too crazy for my mind to grasp, but as it take hold I have gone through 500 stages of emotions (well, really only 3, but who's counting?). At first it made me more pumped than ever to return to Trinidad...after all, Satan wouldn't attack if we weren't doing the right thing there and this IS Satan attacking. Then, I just felt bad for Ancil (and still do)...I mean, this is Ancil's dream...he's worked so hard. This can't be the end of this chapter in his life...it just can't.
Now, an avenue of self doubt (again, Satan) has found it's way in. I mean, really...could I have been THIS wrong in hearing from the Lord. Does the Lord need to speak up or am I just deaf to his voice? I don't doubt His ability to speak...i doubt my ability to hear what he's saying. I don't want to think I could have been that wrong...I still feel a peace about going. A wise friend (you know who you are, Hankins) reminded me that the church always spreads through persecution so I am holding on in faith that this, in the end, will work to for the good (as the Lord promises) of the Lord's church in Trinidad.
Deciding in, what I feel is obedience, to serve the Lord in Trinidad has really been one of the easiest decisions I have made...I was so confident. I can't think I was wrong...after all, if I was that confident about this and it's not in God's will, imagine how many other things I have gotten wrong...maybe life really WAS that hard...I just didn't know it.
posted by Sam Ed. at 2:35 PM
4 Comments:
Cool Blog Sam! It's nice to be able to rant & rave every now and then... and be able to put it out there for the world (well at least the blog world) to see. ;) Check mine out too.
Thanks Lisa...now that SOMEONE has posted a reply to my post, I don't feel so much like I'm talking to myself...always a good thing!
Sometimes figuring out God's will seems like reading tea leaves... and in the end, I think we're just guessing and we have to deal with that. I guess that's part of faith. I'm reading through Abraham's story for next week and you're situation reminds me a little of Abraham with Isaac. Maybe God wants to know if you were willing to give up your dream job to follow Him, and now that He knows, He's got something different in store. But then again, maybe not... Who knows?
I liked W's speech on your last post. Guessing that will never, ever, happen.
okay...so i finally got a chance to leave you some love! :) It is so awesome to hear about your love for the Trini people. Let's (you, me and jason and anyone else you want there!) grab coffee, dinner, dessert, a drink...really whatever you would like one nite next week...let me know what evenings/nites are best for you. i'm great at e-mail...dianagore@nc.rr.com
smiles,
diana :)
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